Recently, my creative projects appear to have taken a sinister turn. I suspect my big mistake is doing stuff when I'm not entirely conscious. And I keep producing hideous objects. Okay, so I have produced two hideous objects.
I had the idea of making a toy bat for Alex. You may remember that his grandmother is referred to as Superbat, I had been singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat to him, from Alice in Wonderland and I was getting a little nostalgic for Whitby. I thought young Alex should like a Twinkle Bat of his own.
I didn't have a pattern or anything, but I didn't for his pirate doll. Patterns? Who needs patterns?! So I sewed this during periods when really I should have been asleep. Or indeed, perhaps, when I was asleep. Because yesterday I suddenly found it was finished... and it looked like this...
I put it in black and white, because it is even worse in colour. Honestly. I'll hide it behind a link and you can look at it here... if you dare!
Look at its feet! Look at its ears! Look at the shape of it! This really is an appalling bat. This is a truly a bat gone wrong.
Only a couple of weeks ago, I decided to decorate a couple of t-shirts for Alexander using some fabric paints I was given. I don't have any experience with fabric painting, but the first attempt didn't go too badly. I can't actually remember painting on the second t-shirt, that period is rather vague and blurry, but when I had finished I looked at it and saw this....
It might not have been so bad had the paint not run. It went all splodgy. It's a terrific mess.
I must admit I did give this to Alex anyway as I felt it was probably suitable attire for playing about in the mud - an essential activity for any growing child.
It is pretty bad though.
The very worst thing I ever produced as an adult was a cross-stitch of Winnie The Pooh. I don't do or like cross-stitch, but someone gave me a kit during a spell of very ill health, so I sat in bed and attempted it. It had three arms. It had the right number of legs but one of them was coming out of Pooh's ear. Naturally nothing quite compared to that classic anecdote of Damon's, which if you haven't heard you have to listen too now - it's the top audio file on this page.
Alex did at least get two passable presents; my first attempt t-shirt and a plaque for his bedroom door.