Thursday, December 15, 2005


I only have four whole days before we head down South and I have way too much to do. So far I have written precisely two Christmas cards, have wrapped only some presents and still have four letters to write and six crackers to make. I also have a great deal of paperwork to sort out such that I can go into 2006 knowing that our accounts information is just as it should be. Then there is making sure all the clothes are washed and packed and so on.

I am rather concerned by the fact that there are some of you who never use the word love in a non-romantic context. Mostly because I’m thinking I have identified another example of my social ineptitude. I once had a conversation where a good friend had been singing my praises rather, I interpreted this and responded, “Thanks; I love you too.” (Of course I was absolutely confident that this was what the other person was trying to say).

The prospect of hurting people’s feelings bothers me terribly and I have no desire to shock, but I have never really got a proper handle on social taboos. I know not to talk about fellatio over Christmas Dinner, but then I have never felt the need to raise that subject (except when as a child I couldn’t remember which out of fellatio and focaccia was the type of bread I liked).

That having said, I do remember feeling rather confused when I became sexual active, anticipating as I was, the climax that had been described to me as “a bit like sneezing, only nicer.” Well, at least I can’t claim to have been disappointed.

Anyway, point is, I hope I do not behave outrageously but I do believe that most things are better out than in, especially something as important as love. Whilst evidently I still have this difficulty with language and approach, but I would hate to feel it was impossible.

You’ll be pleased to know I do have a good old-fashioned British terror of physical contact, enhanced by pain and poor co-ordination. I can do hugs if I trust the person. I really struggle with this continental kissing business because I feel very vulnerable and frequently miss cheeks. But the one thing I can’t stand is if anyone chooses to touch me for emphasis, worst of all tap me for emphasis. No no no, you bastards, get away or I’ll set my Yorkshire Pudding on you!

Anyway, I am daudling about and blogging this nonsense because I have to write a few letters, including those to people who haven't heard from me since the summer. I have to write and say, "There isn't much news here, as I have been unwell all autumn and haven't done very much at all." which isn't exactly a cheery report. This is the main news, and the more I try to brush over it or sound philosophically positive about it, the more depressing it reads. I am even considering whether to make up an autumn of adventures for these two parties, who have no way of knowing any different.


Lady Bracknell said...

The only thing worse than tapping is those bloody stupid persons who think it will be frightfully amusing to sneak up behind one and prod one in the back.

No-one has ever been stupid enough to do that twice to Lady Bracknell.....

marmiteboy said...

I truely wish our country was a huggy country. I live on my own and am single and therefore hardly ever have physical contact with anyone. I hate this state of affairs. I long for physical contact. The trouble is ettiquette dictates that we don't hug each other. It's a real shame. I hug my cats but they are likely to struggle and run off.

I'm with you on all that air kissing nonsense. It's very affected if it's done in this country. It's usually done by turns when they met another turn (who they secretly despise).

Nicola said...

I propose a new Christmas slogan

'Tis The Season of Peace and Love. Touch me and i will kill you'

my startle reflex isn't painful but it can get unpleasant if its more than once

Anonymous said...

I must say, I hold my hand up and plead guilty to being a typically reserved Brit.

I don't do hugs well at all. I feel a bit uncomfortable when faced with hunging someone. Even in times of grief. I'm just not good with showing affection that way. I do like my space, I must say. I think that's what it is.

Oh, the prodding in the back I've had done to me on the occasion. Not amusing I'll say. Doesn't bother me greatly if someone isn't constantly doing it. However, makes ya jump. Makes me quite weary to be honest as well.

Good luck to the Goldfish for geting ready for Christmas; letters to write, cards to do and presents etc.

Oh, yeah, writing about news that seems negative and, trying to put a positive spin on it is tough going. It really hits me when I'm faced with that task. When you don't wanna sound all miserable to someone you don't know that well. I had this problem when I used to have penfriends. Whenever I encountered major hang ups, problems in life, I'd report it as news. However, trying to play it down, trying to make it not sound depressing was hard going. Frustrating, it just turns you upside down. How do we manage it?

I'll leave you all with that festive thought, lol. Oh, I hope I'm not depressing anyone. I'm feeling a bit narked lately.

imfunnytoo said...

Well, across the pond can get nutty in it's own kinda way. Most Americans that I know are either *too* touchy for my taste

(Jeezus. I feel drowned, not hugged!)

or keep their distance from the Obviously Physically Unfit...

I wish they'd make up their minds...