Sunday, November 20, 2005

I can see clearly now the rain has gone

My period of misery is over. I could have to cope with this crap for weeks yet and let’s face it, given exactly where we are now in the year, there’s a possibility that this entire winter is going to be a write-off. If I cannot cope now when it’s not too cold, there aren’t too many bugs about and there’s Christmas to look forward to, what kind of state am I going to be in if I am this bad or worse come January? I don’t know about anybody else, but I am really getting on my nerves.

So today I have made the following resolutions:

  • I am going to go out and sit in the yard at least a couple of times a week. It occurs to me that I haven’t set a foot outside in three weeks. The lack of sunshine is not going to do my mood any good. I don’t care if I look like a lemon.
  • I am going to stop listening to Radiohead and all cello music (Barber and Elgar specifically) for at least until the end of the year. Instead I am going to listen to the Scissor Sisters and Mozart. Or perhaps not.
  • I am going to stop worrying quite so much about other people. The universe had shrunk quite a bit in the last couple of months, but I cannot afford to be consumed by what remains. I am going to try to address why it is I feel so guilty all the time.
  • I am going to apply scarlet nail-varnish to my toe-nails.
  • I am going to try to work out how I can have a reasonable life if I am stuck at this level for a while longer.
The last one is the hardest. It is approaching three months since the downturn, but that’s nothing amazing. If I thought I was actually going to be stuck at this level for a long time – like for a year or something – I think I would feel quite desperate. However, there’s not wanting to be pessimistic, and then there’s not wanting to wait and wait and every week be disappointed that I’m not a lot better (or worse, every few days feel a little improved, only to feel much worse again shortly after).

Perhaps working on the basis of having at least another month or two of this is not unreasonable. In which case I have got to stop fannying around and put a few things in place; get the wheelchair indoors, hassle [...] to help me entertain the occasional visitor and do all my Christmas shopping now on-line in the knowledge that I’m not going to be able to do any in person.

Sorry for the succession self-indulgent posts. I am working my way through this and promise that whatever I write next (unless someone dies or one of my limbs fall off) will be a little cheerier.


Anonymous said...

Goldfish, the resolutions sound like positive moves - although much as I like Mozart, I think his constant cheerfulness might begin to grate after a while. And as for the Scissor Sisters...?! Have you considered a sort of musical halfway house - The Beach Boys, maybe? Or some Beethoven?

And as for sitting outside - well, it's bloody freezing, but I'm a big fan of sitting outside in sub-zero temperatures. People look at me strangely when I do it, of course, but who cares?

Flippany aside, though, hope you're OK. Take care.

pete said...

Great stuff Goldfish!

Anonymous said...


Try some nice Baroque - Scarlatti, Bach's Goldberg Variations. They always soothe and cheer up simultaneously.

marmiteboy said...


I'm really lad to see you take a positive step like this. It means that you are controlling your life and you are not letting it control you. Just by sitting out in 'the yard' (I'm worried by this statement as I thought you were one of us Southern types, maybe you're turning Northern lol) is a positive step. It maybe cold enough to freeze tbe knackers off a brass monkey but it means yoiu are getting out.

I wish you all the very best as usual.

Marit Cooper said...

One should always indulge in selfpity as long as one finds it enjoyable, sooner of later one always gets fed up with it and that's when the creative juices gets flowing - "How can I improve on the situation? Are there any practical solutions to minor annoying problems that I have overlooked? Why haven't I moved that shelf weeks ago when it only took two minutes and makes it so much easier to get the milk out of the fridge in the mornings? (that one's from personal experience) When we are depressed there doesn't seem to be any solutions, afterwards we wonder why we didn't see them before. I hope you have a wonderful christmas :-D