Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Here comes the rain again

I spent most of the weekend catching up on my e-mail backlog, trying to put our household accounts in order, almost had it sorted and then another wave hit on Monday afternoon.

When not lying down in a darkened room, I have been mostly busying myself with what I describe as my basket-weaving activities. I have been making Christmas decorations, crackers and presents for people. Except half these projects I know I am not going to be able to finish in time, least of all because I need to be better in order to complete them. For example, I had the idea of sorting out some place-mats for my parents because they have a few from various ancient sets, never enough that match when people come round. So I bought some suitable MDF etc, only I’ve got to paint on them, properly paint. I can apply paint to stuff, but my hand-eye co-ordination is crap right now and I can’t really sit in a suitable position for any length of time. And this implies that I am a good painter when in better health, which is highly disputable.

Mostly I have been stringing beads onto wire and making Christmas decorations. Incredibly time-consuming and pointless activity, but it is a mindless distraction and at the end of the day I have material evidence of my own labours.

At some point I am going to have to come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to finish my book before the end of the year, which is a terrifically demoralising prospect. But for now I shall pretend I have more time than I do.

On a more positive note, this morning I received a photograph of my friend Mary and her fellow novices in the convent in Saint-Pern that her mother sent to me. It is the first I have seen of her about eighteen months. I hope to get some sort of note at Christmas (she’s allowed to write to her friends once a year) and it’ll be another eighteen months before I might actually see her in person again. She looks happy. She’s gone for the whole black and white look, which is very in this season.

Anyway, I made the tissue-paper crowns for the Christmas crackers (which are the campest crackers you ever did see; they are quite vulgar) but now I need some really bad jokes. So far I’ve got

Q. What’s red and really stupid?
A. A blood clot.


marmiteboy said...

I imagine that you set a goal for finishing your book by the end of the year BEFOE you had a relapse in your health. That was an unforeseen event so please don't beat yourself up about because it was unavoidable. I would wait until this has passed and then start finishing it again. If you had three months out then that's the time you add on. That way you will still be meeting a self imposed deadline. Good luck with. And don't forget I want you to sign my copy when it's out.

I have one crap joke that would be suitable for a family Christmas.

Q What's brown and sticky?

A A stick.

Well you wanted tghem to be rubbish>

Anonymous said...

Hello Goldfish..

I'm a member of Ouch but haven't posted yet..coward that I am. I have read every single post in your blog though..It took me 4 days, love how you write. I hope you and AJ have a truly wonderful Christmas.

Lady Bracknell said...

Lady Bracknell's favourite joke of all time (although possibly not suitable for a family Christmas cracker) is:

A woman walked into the bar and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

Anonymous said...

"Why do elephants have four feet?"
"Because they'd look silly with six inches."

Lady Bracknell said...

What's black and sticky and comes out of the ground shouting, "Knickers, knickers!"

Crude oil.

What's black and sticky and comes out of the ground shouting, "Underwear, underwear?"

Refined oil.

pete said...

A man goes to the zoo.

When he got there, there was just a dog.

It was a shitzu.

The Goldfish said...

Thanks for all your jokes, and to Lady Byron for her Christmas wishes and blog-reading odyssey - thank you and I hope you and yours have a great Christmas also. :-)

I would object to some of these jokes on the grounds of poor taste, but this is my family we're talkig about.

I especially like Lady Bracknell's double entendre joke - that is the best joke I have heard in a long long time.