I begin to keep a blog

My not-quite-but-nearly brother-in-law suggested that I keep a blog. For some reason I have entitled it Diary of a Goldfish. This is because I have embarked on this on impulse and couldn’t think of anything better to put. Yes my friends, the first shattering revelation of this particular blog is that I am not in fact a goldfish. However, in case you have come across this site hoping for some goldfish related information I shall do my best to provide three exciting goldfish facts every Tuesday.

Goldfish Facts 1st February 2005

• The longest living captive goldfish, was won at a fairground in 1956 and passed peacefully to the next life in his tank in 1999, aged 43. His name was Tish. If you are wondering how a goldfish may have a less than peaceful death, I shall tell you a story about that later.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. I don’t know why. In fact I can’t back this up at all but I read it somewhere on-line so it has at least a 28% chance of being correct when c = x (y - л²), at least according to my calculations.
• The most common name for goldfish is Jaws. Goldfish are renowned for their astute appreciation of irony, despite having very little intelligence and a famously poor memory. They don't remember the jokes, but by golly, they do have a great sense of humour.
  

Although I am not a goldfish I do have two black moor fish as pets - or captives, perhaps, as the elderly Tish was described as a captive, wasn't he? I think I prefer guests; they can come and go as they please as far as I'm concerned. Yes, guests, I'm happy with that.

Black moors are the ones that are the same size and shape as your common-or-garden goldfish, but they are black in colour and have goggly eyes which protrude either side of their heads. My particular piscine guests are called Klutz and Schmuck. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure which is which, but following their recent move to a lovely new three foot tank it is become evident that one is male and one is female and they seem to have worked out which is which between themselves, even if I remain confused.

My dinner is almost ready, but do come again soon to read the next exciting instalment. What will happen next? Will Klutz eat the fish food? Will Schmuck pick up a stone in his or her mouth and then spit it out again? Find out tomorrow in Diary of a Goldfish!!!