The Birds

Apologies for another nature post. I'm working on on the Bl**dy F**king Book at the moment, and it's all uphill. Earlier this year, AJ made some bird-boxes. He made these bird-boxes to provide an alternative for the sparrows who nested in the roof last year. He made six bird-boxes and they are all very nice, as you can see. Not terribly conventional, but we didn't want to encourage just any old sparrows to come live in them. And yet, two or possibly three pairs of sparrows did move into the roof and some collared doves attempted to build a nest on top of the satellite dish. The doves had attempted much the same last year, and were really quite funny to watch; there is no way anything could build a nest on the satellite dish. So they'd manage to balance a handful of twigs up there, only for a further single twig to wreck the balance and for their entire work-in-progress to fall to the floor. They did this last year – at least I think it was this pair, because I wouldn't hold out much hope of reproductive success for such dim-witted creatures. But anyway, nobody moved into AJ's bird boxes. The house-martins came back last week, but of course they build their own little home in a very specific place, so we didn't expect them to make use of them. The garden has become like a bird creche over the last week, with families of sparrows, starlings and blackbirds making a terrific racket. One really cannot anthromorphise about birds and their young; the chicks cry constantly, mobbing the parents, really go for them when they swoop down such that the parents struggle to get away again. If I was a adult sparrow, Ｉwouldn't then go away, find more food and subject myself to a further mobbing. We also met a young green finch, who was extraordinarly tame despite her (?) inability to fly. We have also seen goldfinches, bullfinches, chaffinches, blue and great tits and a pied wagtail. A thrush, loads of collared doves, a fair number of pigeons and the occasional crow. All of this is still novel to us having lived so long on the coast where there gulls, gulls, yet more gulls and the occasional shag. Unfortunately, they're none of them very easy to photograph. They won't stay still, you see. And most of them have at least some ability to fly away when you go near them.

An O. K. Computer

I'm writing this on my new computer! You may remember talk of a new computer about one year ago. Well, I finally got one. It is not a MacBook. In fact I had the following exchange with my sister's friend who became interested in our conversation: “Is it a Mac?” “No,” I say, “It's made by a company called Asus and it runs on Linux.” “What the hell is Linux?” he demands. “Linux is a family of open-source operating systems, named after the programmer Linus Torvaldes who was Finish or Swedish, or possibly a Peanuts character.” “Oh,” he says, disdainfully, “Well if it's not a Mac...” “Basically, Linux is what all the cool kids are using now.” A shriek. “What?!” “I'm afraid so.” “But everyone in Starbucks has MacBooks!” “Exactly.” It is true that all the grooviest people are using Linux, at least my homies Vic and Mr Bunny are and they are two of the hippest cats I know. If you imagine those Mac adverts with Robert Webb representing Apple, David Mitchell representing Microsoft (although in fairness he doesn't), well if Linux was to be represented, it would be by Jimi Hendrix walking on and doing something like this. But since David Mitchell really represented all PCs, I guess my new computer is David Mitchell - but come on, he's the one we all fancy if we're honest with ourselves. Of courseＩwas far more concerned about the fact that it was the cheapest, lightest most shock-proof computer I could find with a word-processor and a wireless card. And the most exciting bit is the aforementioned word-processor which actually saves to disk and I can use the same machine to go on-line. Otherwise I just have the guilt that tends to accompany new toys, which I have to combat with the knowledge that it's really a new tool and one I've been struggling without for a long time. It is very diddy, about the same size as The Complete Winnie-the-Pooh, so a bit bigger than a bible but smaller than a dictionary. As a result, the small keyboard takes some getting used to, but I would say I have average dexterity and I've just about got the hang of it (it's not like one of those raspberry devices where you have to cut your fingernails to a point to hit one key at a time). And it works. And it saves files to disk. Amazing!

I focus on the pain

although this is not going to be a moan. Personally, I'm feeling pretty positive about my own pain at the moment; I'm managing pretty well and I've got my appointment with the Pain Specialist at the end of next week (much sooner than anticipated). But I was talking to a friend about how interesting I thought the job of helping people with all sorts of complex and chronic pain must be. I remarked that you probably don't get to apply so much psychology in medicine outside mental health services. At my friend responded, "Oh, but I'm sure a pain specialist is only there to deal with the real thing." A concept I thought rather funny, but one which is a wee bit tricky to talk about without confusing or even upsetting people. Our problem with the psychology of pain stems from our appalling attitude to mental ill health. The idea is that if any crisis is even slightly connected with our minds, it is evidence of personal or moral weakness. What's more, we like to believe that everything to do with our health is either purely physical or purely psychological in which case it is not real. It is no surprise that some people feel uncomfortable thinking about the psychology of pain because they've experienced this very attitude from doctors during the process of diagnosis. Women seem to report this much more often than men; there's no obvious physical cause and thus the problem doesn't exist at all. Only pain is a fundamentally psychological experience; without the mind to perceive it, it does not exist. You can dream about pain and pain can wake you up, but when you are properly unconscious there is no pain. Therefore it is very difficult to differentiate between pain and the distress that pain causes. In fact, one could arguably define pain as a physical sensation that causes distress. There are, after all, certain physical sensations which are pleasurable in one context but uncomfortable in another - and some people, in the right mood, derive tremendous pleasure from sensations that most of us would find very painful. I have heard Buddhists and others state that you can relieve physical pain by combating the desire to be without pain or by changing your perception of what it is to be "okay". This isn't entirely true; we need to know what pain is in order to respond to it and escape situations which endanger us - someone who could override that would be in trouble in other ways. However, attitude does matter. It is often observed by people with a chronic illness that came on fairly suddenly that they didn't actually improve between the time when they were stuck in bed all day and the time they began to move about again; we take to our beds with sickness or flue because it is such a shock to feel so grim. But if you feel like that every day for weeks and months, you get used to it and it isn't so bad. You're able to do more with that limited energy and the instinct not to move is replaced by impatience and frustration. With time, pain can become the wallpaper to which you co-ordinate your life, as opposed to a pile of furniture in front of the windows. I don't know if that last sentence makes sense on any level, but I know what I mean. Point is, you get used to pain. Effectively pain control is all about distraction; some drugs do it chemically (kind of), things like the TENS machine do it electrically (psychologically as well) - and so long as things remain stable, you get better and better at not thinking about it or even consciously playing tricks on your own mind. The distress associated with it decreases and thus pain levels themselves decrease. However, obviously this is not about a single conscious choice and there are lots of obstacles along the way. Mystery is a big one. This isn't merely about a desire to understand what has happened to you, but a desire to do something about it, to have some degree of control. Knowledge is power and mystery leaves you powerless. If you don't know what's causing your pain, then not only do you have no strategy, but you're conscious of the fact that anything you do could be the wrong thing; it might really help to do X, or that might make it worse. Unfortunately, chronic pain is often fairly mysterious. Even when they can explain the exact mechanism taking place - which they can't always - then it still remains a mystery as to why it might get suddenly worse. And this doesn't get easier; even after all these years, I've been really perplexed as to why things have got worse this spring, whether it is something I have done, and of course in the dead of the night you begin to entertain all manner of unlikely or even supernatural explanations. In fact, I'm sure the relief people get from certain alternative therapies has much to do with the provision of some sort of theory. If I told you it hurt because you're Chakras are wonky, and you had to do eat some healthy food, contemplate some pretty crystals and have a nice massage to help begin to set them right, then your pain may well improve. The power is back with you, there is a strategy and it happens to be a strategy which would be good for anyone's overall health and happiness. Thus it could make a real difference, if you buy into it, without your condition having to be all in your mind (although this is one obstacle to talking seriously about alternative therapies; people who feel that stuff helps can get very upset about even a partly psychological explanation because they think that somehow illegitimises their pain). Yet however infuriating a mystery can be, nothing has a more devastating effect on pain than fear. Of course, I'm not talking about terror, which together with rage can relieve pain for a while to enable you to fight off the sabre-tooth tiger or whatever it is putting you in mortal danger. Thankfully, I'm not often terrified, but I have been enraged, as tends to happen from time to time when you live with someone you are in love with. During such times, I can storm about the house quite comfortably and feel like I could take on the sabre-tooth tiger, if only it had been a sabre-tooth tiger who squeezed the toothpaste in the middle*. However, if you are frightened about your pain, then it will hurt a lot. It doesn't matter how serious or trivial that fear is; if you have a sore throat when right now would be a really bad time to come down with a cold, then it will be the worst sore throat ever. The same applies to pains which are ultimately going to kill you. Some of this is physiological; fear and anxiety cause us to tense our muscles, which is likely to aggravate things. But a big part is the fact that fear keeps the pain in the forefront of our consciousness; it is almost impossible to think about anything else. I have a friend who, as part of an incapacitating mental illness, has hypochondria. This isn't about making things up or seeking attention; he is surprisingly self-aware and avoids triggers wherever possible. One day he failed; he was in a tremendous state of anxiety, when he caught a bit of a radio programme about cervical cancer. Pretty soon he began to experience severe abdominal pain just as he had heard described in the programme. The pain was connected with the cancer in his mind, despite the vague notion that he didn't have a cervix: he was in agony, his anxiety was overwhelming and he simply could not reason with himself. Fortunately, his GP was very understanding of my friend's condition. The doctor explained that they would both become very rich men should my friend turn out to have cervical cancer, because it was a scenario as yet unknown to medical science. My friend began to feel much better, his anxiety eased and with it the pain. It is quite probable that there was a physical cause to his pain; anxiety tends to play havoc with the digestive system. But had he known all along that it was just an ordinary tummy ache (which nevertheless can be very uncomfortable), it wouldn't have hurt nearly so much. [ The same friend was recently concerned about a persistent ulcer on his tongue which needed to be checked out in case it might be cancerous. As he declared to me, "I know I shouldn't be worried. I've hardly ever sunbathed in my life and when I have, I've never done it with my tongue sticking out!" ] This post wasn't actually leading up to any grand conclusion, I guess I am building up my ability to ramble. * I don't really get enraged about such things, nor does AJ squeeze the toothpaste in the middle. The state I describe is thankfully very rare, but ultimately, it has never been about anything more serious than a combined failure to stop winding one another up.

AJ meets his first billywitch

"Do you want to see a really weird bug?" AJ called to me. I was already in bed, but I can never say no to a really weird bug. Only AJ's new friend wasn't all that weird at all. "That's just a billywitch!" I declared. "Well, I've never seen anything like it before." In truth I haven't seen one for many years. I used to have a 'den' of sorts out the back of the houses when I was a child and there were often billywitches round there. A billywitch is more commonly known as a cock-chafer (which sounds like an extreme sexual position to me) or a June Bug or possibly a May Bug (on-line sources differed on this matter). There's a much better picture of one and some more information here. So summer arrived. Just two weeks ago, I couldn't get to sleep at night without a hot water bottle, now it's edging towards uncomfortably warm. My internal thermostat is completely wrecked. Although I have been very tired, in the last week I have sewed buttons onto my flip-flops to make them slightly less dull (according to my American friends, of course, I will have sewed buttons onto my thongs, but that's a quite uncomfortable prospect). This photo isn't nearly as exciting as Sara's new foot, I realise. I also have mended two summer skirts only to find a further two are now beyond repair and I have dyed some of my old summer clothes which had faded in colour. Naturally this task involved a small disaster, whereby I was oblivious to the holes in my rubber gloves and now have purple fingers. So that's been this last week, but now my brain is coming back on-line so I shall hopefully write something interesting for you soon.

Assuming the Recovery Position

Predictably enough, I have been fantastically tired and I'm sure there are still a few BADD posts I haven't read properly yet. However, I reckon this was the best year ever as far as quality was concerned. Thanks again to everyone who contributed or helped in any way. Some people did absolutely loads - you know who you are - but everyone who chirped up to point out a typo in my code made a big difference (especially to whoever's link I had botched). Once again, I didn't have a chance to post anything myself - although unlike last year, I might have got my post finished in time if I was just a tad better organised. Between now and this time next year, I intend to build a robot who can put all the links together for me. That or figure out some javascript to automate the archive. In other news, summer has properly arrived and I realise that I didn't fix any of the holes and torn seams in my summer clothes before putting them away for the winter. So I have a wee bit of sewing to do.

Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008

Welcome to Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008! Thanks very much to everyone who helped to spread the word, to those who have been blogging and commenting and to everyone who has come to read the contributions. Because the archive (below) tends to get very large, this year, I asked other bloggers to link to posts of particular note at their own blogs in order to increase traffic (and to take some of the pressure of me compiling the archive at super-sonic speed). Lady Bracknell has published three posts reviewing her favourites BADD posts here: Favourites so far Still reading: More BADD top picks and And still they come: yet more BADD highlights Other round-ups include Urbania to Stoneheads:BADD: The best of... Elaine Vignealt: The Bloggging Against Disablism Round-up Disability Studies, Temple U: BADD, Skimmed and Overheard This is My Blog: Blogs of Note The Beauty Offensive:A Little Further and a Tentative Suggestion Cherylberyl: Some Meanderings About BADD & BADD 2008 Disaboom Directory Lovely and Amazing: BADD Grand Rounds Moving Right Along: b-b-b-b-b-b-BADD, BADD to the bonee Both Seahorse and Rachcreative included some of their favourite blogs in their BADD entries < href="http://beautyoffensive.blogspot.com/2008/05/badd-little-goes-long-way.html">here and here. I know I've seen other lists too, but someone will have to remind me where! Please point out if I make any mistakes - and thanks very much to everyone who has so far. Blogging Against Disablism 2008 Employment (Disability discrimination in the workplace, recruitment issues and unemployment). The Angry Gimp: I'm BAD and I'm ANGRY Never That Easy: A BADD post for you No Quarter Asked or Given: Blog Against Disablism Day. She Speaks: Blogging Against Disablism Education (Attitudes and practical issues effecting disabled people and the discussion of disability in education, from preschool to university and workplace training.) Big Noise: Knowledge (Not Reading) is Fundamental Chanelle and Tristan: Blogging Against Disablism Day. The secret diary of Lignamorren - Scott: Blogging Against Disabism Day 2008 E. is for Epilepsy: To Bell the Cat Enda P. Guinan: Wheeling in Second Life Equal not Special: When the rubber hits the road Has he always been like that?: Blogging Against Disablism Day Parenting Special Needs Children: Inclusion and the Myth of the Magical Mainstream Remembering the Ability in Disability: Attention Authorities! Schooling Inequality: He was disabled when the umpire called him out. SpeEdChange: May Day: Retard Theory Through Blind Eyes: Sorry, you're too disabled. Whatever to us: Blogging Against Disablism Day Other Access Issues (Posts about any kind of access issue in the built environment, shops, services and various organisations. By "access issues" I mean anything which enables or disenables a person from doing what everyone else is able to do.) Cripchick's Weblog: The terp from hellll Everyone else has a blog: BADD or Why I hate Routemasters OOK!: Persistence Pitt Rehab: Blogging Against Disablism quirkiest? mais oui!: Blogging Against Disablism Day RADAR: The Disability Network: The Little Things This is My Blog: Different but Equal Trouble is a state of mind: A Place to Call Home Willendorf: Gimp Militia, Ladies Auxillary Reporting. Definition and Analysis of Disablism/ Ableism Abnormal Diversity: Reverse Discrimination Jayangel: Blog Against Disablism Sunny Dreamer: Everyone has a disability of some sort Wheelchair Catholic: Don't Enable and Ableist. The Language of Disablism (Posts about the language which surrounds disability and the way that it may empower or disempower us.) Andrea's Buzzing About: BADD, but not rude a dozen a dime blog: Retarded The Garden of Nna Moy: Self-fulfilling prophecies Lisy Babe's Blog: Disablism vs. Ableism Search for Meaning: "They" Sweet Perdition: Ubisoft pulls MindQuiz: why are some gamers so angry? Wheelchair Dancer: Making an Argument: Disability and Language Disablism Interacting with Other 'Isms' (Posts about the way in which various discriminations interact; the way that the prejudice experienced as a disabled person may be compounded by race, gender, age, sexuality etc..) RadioClare: Blogging Against Disablism Day Smite Me: Sexism and Personality Disorder Diagnoses Disablism in Literature, Culture and the Media Cactus Soup: Community Cherylberyl: Tiny Tims and Supercrips Fluttertongue: BADD Fridawrites: Invisible People or Compare and Contrast: WiMPS and GIMPS An Ordinary Life: The Day Today...XVIII Pedestrian Hostile: Blindsight Smiffy's Place: Book Review: The Short Bus History Disability Studies, Temple U.: Cella's Retreat Relationships, Love and Sex Kate...uncensored: Blogging Against Disablism Non-English Language Blogs GÜNCE: Neden Kaynaştırma? (in Turkish) Other Betty's Catster Diary: On Being Disabled and Feline A geezer with a meezer: Blogging Against Disablism Day A Tedious Delusion: Refractive ReflectionsAn Unreliable Witness: Sad, pathetic charity case. Wheelchair Catholic: Treating Ableists under the Medical Model Disablism and Politics (For example, the political currency of disability, anti-discrimination legislation, etc.) Against the glass: “Off With Their Heads!” “Give us Barabbas!” and Other Musings About The Culture of Retribution Benefit Scrounging Scum:Things can only get better The Gimp Parade: The Most Important Policy Grendel's Kitchen:More, move, more Hoyden About Town: The radical notion that people with disabilities are people and Austrailia's 2020 Summit Knitting Cleo: Blogging Against Disablism Mauzy's Musings: Blogging Against Disablism Day MysteryMommy: Blogging Against Disablism Planet of the Blind: The Big Picture Sally's Life: Disablism Killed the Muse! Six. Almost Seven..: The Obama Campaign: Will They Will..? Through Myself and Back Again: Getting Personal Whose Plane is it Anyway?: Advice for Pandering Politicians. General Thoughts on Disablism Babe on Wheels: Blogging Against Disablism The Beauty Offensive: Look back in anger Candidly Crippled: Blogging Against Disablism - a day late! Chewing the Fat: Blogging Against (My) Disablism Day colorwheel: Blogging Against Disablism Day Copingwithdisability: Dealing with Staring Copingwithdisability: The Importance of communication in fighting discrimination DotComMom: This is a person Equal not Special: Blogging Against Disablism Day ErikTrips: look. a post. or as they say on myspace: a blog! a blog within a blog: not opening day L'ombre de mon Ombre: Substitute Fatshionista!: What if no one's watching? Greenwords: Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008 Growing Up with a Disability: Mistaken Identity How to be an Inspiration: It's not cricket Pandora's Blog: Assumptions about disability, from the outside and from within Midlife and Treachery: BADD Juju Miss Nomered: Pity, Tubes and the meaning of "Hope" Moving Right Along: See, it's really all about possibilities My Peggy Peg: Bloggin Against Disablism Day The Perorations of Lady Bracknell: Hello? HELLO? RachelCreative: Disability is more than wheels Rants and Revelations: Blogging Against Disablism 2008 Sonia Keys: Disablism Day Terrible Palsy: Expectations The strangest alchemy: Unsafe This is My Blog: A Gorilla in Your House Three Square Meals: Body Police Wheelchair Dancer: Disabled people aren't human, are they? Urbania to Stoneheads: I don't suffer from disablism Veralidaine: Why Disablism is Your Problem, My Problem and Everyone's Problem. The View from Room 7609: B. A. D. D. Writings of a Wheelchair Princess: Links and Thoughts and Suchlike Yet another never updated blog: Who are these freaks? Parenting Issues (whether disabled parents or the parents of a disabled child.) The Beauty Offensive: BADD: A little goes a long way... Cheaper than Therapy: Little Pitchers have Big Ears Jenelle's Journal: Coming to terms with n Normal Lovely and Amazing: My Own Demons Mama Monkmee: Blogging Against Disablism Day My NEw Blog Adventure: Blog Against Disablism Reimer Reason: Blogging Against Disablism Twinkle Little Star: The Room at the end of the Hall: When Intergration = Segregation Healthcare Issues (For example, the provision of healthcare, institutionalistaion of disbaled people, reproductive ethics and euthanasia) Anwen of the Purple Can: Blogging Against Disablism Day Barriers, Bridges & Books: Prenatal Diagnosis of Down Syndrome From where I'm sitting: My Super Happy Fun Hospital Time The Special Parent: Eugenics in today's society JBVoices: What a difference a day makes Reimer Reason: Disablism In My Face Yeah, but Houdini Didn't have These Hips!: A Culture of Life? Impairment-Specific Prejudice (Posts about those experiences specific to people with a particular condition or type of condition.) All 4 My Gals: Blogging Against Disablism Ballastexistenz: Excuse to be a jerk. Candy: Disablism and Audism within Deafread Charlottesville Prejudice Watch: Psychophobia 101 Declan's Blog; Blogging Against Disablism Hoyden About Town: Mental Illness, Stigmatisation, Coming Out Out and Around: The Presumption of Literacy My Random Musings on Life: BADD Redirected 2.: Inspiration The Other Side of Madness: Blogging Against Disablism Day Transabled: BADD: How disability hierarchy hurts transabled people. Personal Journeys (Posts about learning experiences and realisations authors have had about the nature of disability discrimination and the impact on their lives.) ahistorically: Blog Against Disablism Day: Chess Cherylberyl: Focus on your needs Daisybones: BADD: Blog Against Disablism Day Diary of a Wordsmith: Fit to Work Disabled Giant: Blogging Against Disablism Day Down in Me: Corrosive F for Fischer: BADD: Judgements Insane Journal: Ability and the Dis. thereof. More Meredith Gould: My BADD 2008 myveryownkarma: There are days... Pilgirmsteps: Just a bit late... Plum Texan: Do you hear what I hear? Pipecleaner Dreams: I saw Jack again Puglet Ponderings: Still Clueless, but not as much. Quench Zine: Disability, Being an Ally, Invisibility and Outness Quench Zine: Somewhere between Pride and Prejudice Screw Bronze: I believe... one day. Simul lustus Et Peccator: Blogging Against Disablism Day 2008 Under a spreading tree: BADD: Personal Reflections

April Aunt Blogging

Come on, it has been a while since you've seen any gratuitous materteral blogging on here. Yesterday, I got to see Alexander! I wasn't sure I was going to, on account of the fact that my sister's family all had rotten colds last weekend and frankly, if I hadn't got my pain sorted out, it would have been very difficult. I can't really be trusted to supervise Alex because I have no means of chasing after him; if I was really going to babysit, I'd need a giant net on a very long pole. However, at least with less pain I could pick him up if I needed to and I did manage to push him on the swing, from a sitting position on the grass (this is still a precarious practice, but I reckon the sustained giggling of a small child is worth the risk of being kicked in the head). Another slice of luck was that the weather was so nice. I think it was warmer yesterday that it had been last August when we were in my folks' garden for his birthday party. Which is especially odd given the weather at this time last month. Alex still doesn't say much but he has learnt to count! Up to three at least. Mum was playing a game where she was saying "One, two three, hooray!" and Alex imitated her by say "Do, do, do, yeah!" several times over and he never one uttered more or less than three dos . Does that count as counting? I reckon so. Alexander devised an excellent variation on the game of golf, whereby merely hitting the ball with a club (both lightweight plastic) merits a cheer. This is much more exciting and uses considerably less space than the other version. He also participated in the ancient East Anglian tradition of pushing small children about in a wheelbarrow. This originates from the time that women used to give birth out in the fields and wheel their children home sat amongst the turnips. This resulted in many turnips being mistakenly brought up as human children, with one turnip making it so far as becoming Archbishop of Canterbury in 1093. Sorry, but if I don't plump up this paragraph there will be a big gap at the end of my text. So anyway, it was a very nice day. Alexander is a very bright and happy child who finds amusement in almost everything. Meanwhile, the more disconcerting side-effects to my new pills are already diminishing.