Well today I decided to face my problem. As any keen observer will have noticed, a lot of the entries on this blog are me having a good old whinge about personal circumstances, cunningly disguised as some wider point about disability or certain sorts of impairment. Today I am openly whinging. Well, not exactly whinging, as I am looking towards a solution.
My health has picked up a bit. I am shamefully ungrateful for this, not because I am not pleased to be better, but because it doesn’t feel very much better and it is not nearly better enough. But, for example, I have managed to sustain a lower dose of opiate painkiller for a couple of months now. I'm wondering if I can drop my NSAIDS completely. Bad days I need more pain-relief, but that’s okay. I am spending fewer days entirely in bed and just now, and by a slight majority, most days I’m not actually falling asleep during daylight hours.
It’s really not enough, I don’t know why, considering what a hard time I had last winter, I can’t appreciate being able to do a little bit of something everyday – sometimes quite a lot of something all considered. But I don’t. I am still immensely frustrated. I have no serenity whatsoever. I know I cope better than some people, because I have known some people who really truly collapse in on themselves. But I also know that other people have carrying far greater burdens than my own without complaint.
Anyway, with one thing or another (I am short of time, as you'll see), I have decided to be more proactive. I am seeing how much I can achieve with half an hour's activity to half an hour's rest. Rest being proper, silent, eyes closed, bed rest. Activity being anything at all, including listening to radio programmes, watching DVDs and other activities other people might consider entirely passive.
I know this isn't practical to sustain everyday, and only ten minutes into my first rest period today [...] came into the bedroom and started talking to me about what we're going to have for lunch, but this is what I am doing. Wish me luck.
And that's half an hour's worth so I'm back to bed. Goes quick, doesn't it?
By the way, having fiddled with my template, can everyone still read everything okay? I realise that some of my older posts have been rendered in some hideously huge font, but do let me know if anything has gone really weird.