Sunday, July 03, 2005

Wedding News #2 and How Everybody Is As Weird As Me

I have had a crap few days where my brain has been off-line but I am feeling much better this weekend. Last night Hal came round and we tried on the bridesmaid’s dress. We couldn’t get all three of us in it so we then tried it one by one and um… it wasn’t big enough even for little ol’ me.

So all this went out the window, if ever so briefly. It’s only my bust it doesn’t fit over, but still. Even before this point this dress has been more trouble that it was worth. Hal kindly volunteered himself and his sister to finish the whole thing off for me, so save my Mum having to do it and perhaps in particular, my having to negotiate with my Mum as she continues the project. I think I need to think about the diplomatic virtues of where we go from her as well as the practical ones. And it strikes me as an awful lot of work for H and his sister (who I have never even met)...

I have been having nightmares about the wedding. I know it’s not normal to have nightmares about weddings, especially not about someone else’s wedding, especially not about someone else’s wedding you’re quite looking forward to. All my dreams have a recurring theme; somehow, through a combination of bad luck and bad judgement, I manage to mess it all up. Not just what I have to do – in fact my dream is never about those things – but everything, everything is messed up somehow because of me. Last night I dreamt that I had arranged everybody else’s accommodation, made all the catering arrangements and everything went to shit.

All my nightmares are about having loads of responsibility. My absolute worse nightmare, and it sounds ridiculous but it was extremely vivid, detailed and sensual and I was entirely convinced for the duration, was when I was Joseph Goebbels. Yeah I know. Very silly. But I was Goebbels and I suddenly realised what I had done. Now, not only did this make me feel – well, you can imagine – but I was Goebbels in about 1942 and I didn’t know the outcome of the war (honestly, don’t ask me how my subconscious managed to misplace such a fact entirely). I was quite convinced that unless I carried on, me and my entire family would be tortured and killed and nothing I could do would make any difference anyway. My heart is racing just to remember what that felt like and I dreamt that one about seven years ago! Still can’t understand it. Why Goebbels in particular?

Sometimes I worry that people who read this blog might think that (a) I make this shit up or (b) I am quite insane. However, everybody has stuff a bit like this, I’m sure of it, if not in dreams and having people in their head, then people are weird in other ways. For example they
See, you’re all a bunch of weirdos – it’s not just me! Dreaming that you’re Goebbels is just fine.

All that standing around while H pinned everything together has resulted in new and interesting levels of agony in my legs and back; when I woke up this morning it felt like they had given up the ghost entirely. But to be honest, I’m so grateful to be able to think straight again that I’m not minding too much.

In other news, I watched a really good film on Friday called The Devil’s Backbone (Espinazo del diablo). I have been watching loads of films this week – about two a day. My brain’s not really been up to even this, as I have been terrible bored or confused during most of them. However this one had me from start to finish. Supernatural thriller, beautifully filmed, engaging characters and really quite spooky without being disturbing or especially gory. Highly recommended.


Anonymous said...

Hi Goldfish,

I am so sorry thsat you have had a hard few days. As you kinow, I can relate. Thank you for being there for me when you are obviously having a crappy time, that means a lot, and makes me feel bad!

As for the dress, I have had similar experiences esp in the boob area. I hope Hal and sissy are able to sort it and it is very sweet of him to do so, I think you should accept his offer :)

And YES, there are people as mad/madder than us. LOIL about spawning wellington addicted bubs :) That is NOTHING, we have all sorts of strange situations in this abode!

Hang in there, ok? I am sorry for using up your energy and frespourses on my little world, Ihope you had enough left for you!

Thinking of you,\\t/c


Anonymous said...

You've already established that perhaps I'm not the best for the job of The Arbiter of Normal, but I don't think having nightmares about weddings is particularly abnormal. Heck, I've been having nightmares about MY sister's wedding for YEARS, and the girl isn't even engaged yet. I figure it's just pre-emptive worrying, since there's no doubt it will be a waking nightmare of entitled princessdom, anyway.

[And I still have nightmares about trying to find shoes for a wedding I had to attend a few months ago. I've decided that, in the future, I'm only attending weddings if they're the Casual Beach Nuptials for Hippies type. Trying to find formal shoes that won't KILL me is way too much work].

Er, I mean, it's going to be okay, Fishy. Seriously, I am sorry this has to be all stressful and annoying.

Katie said...

Hi Goldfish, You seem to be busy with things don't you? don't worry about your bridesmaid's dress sweetie, I am sure you will find a perfect fit. I am always having nightmares about things so I know how you feel, I am always thinking that things are going to happen, and even wierder still, my mate chris who has a psychic ability told me that he and his girlfriend were standing over my bed in one of my dreams, Scary, Huh!

The Goldfish said...

Yes, boobs. Big problems. I can't believe that my Mum, as was revealed in our conversation yesterday evening, looked at my measurements, decided what size I was and made the bodice to a standard size. Apart from the gap at the back the fabric was gaping under my arms. I have enough trouble with lycra-laden clothes.

Hmm, Eliza, a waking nightmare of entitled princessdom, hmm... I kind of get that, although I wouldn't want to offend anybody; I don't have the princess gene so a lot of wedding stuff seems terribly contrived and kind of uncomfortable for a hairy arm-pitted* egalitarian like myself.

Or maybe you have the princess gene, but feel excluded by your particular make-up? That would be the ultimate nightmare wedding though; the input of two mothers-of-the-bride, two white meringue dresses to be bought, twice the bridesmaids - my God! Although at least you wouldn't get that thing where the women do all the organisation but come the speeches only the men get to speak...

Thanks for your support, Katie. Your psychic friend sounds a little unnerving! I have always had very vivid and complicated dreams, and some of them are fantastic - when I am ill and in bed all day, dreams can be better than real life. Unfortunately, the same mechanism which allows us to have very good dreams allows us to have very bad ones too.

* To be fair, in the summer I shave my arm-pits.