Monday Monday

I am in a foul mood. I seem to be picking up but it isn’t happening quick enough. So much of the day, I am literally going round looking at hard objects with a view to knocking myself unconscious. Worry not, I am not going to do this because I know it could only possibly make matters worse when I came round, but I do not wish to be awake at the moment.

Well, at this moment it's not so bad, because my brain is kind of working. My head aches and I feel like I am looking at the screen through a thick black veil. But I get about two hours a day of this – bizarrely the first half hour of the day and the last ninety minutes before sleep (solid sleep at night that is, I sleep on and off all day). The rest is mostly an in between state where I am not actually asleep, but nothing sticks in my mind for more than a few seconds. Which wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t remember that I was thinking about something else a moment ago. I can’t read, I struggle to follow films or radio programmes. I would be better off sleeping for twenty-two hours a day. I would be better off being asleep twenty-four hours a day for a week or so or however long it takes for my body to get over this thing.

Bad things that happened today.

1. I felt like shit.
   
2. Amazon refunded me claiming my latest order was undeliverable even though they had the right address and it’s not as if I have left the house at any point during the last month. I was looking forward to this order which included the famous Skallagrigg – a book so good, I’m told, that you may want to tattoo its title to your thigh.
3. Both bulbs in one of our standard lamps blew again about three weeks since they did this before. [...] asked me how I had turned it on, like it was my fault. This is bad. Despite my firm belief that inanimate objects have no mind of their own, I have in the past suffered the delusion that I have the power to cause electrical equipment to malfunction with my negative vibes.
4. There was an annular eclipse – or at least a partial one in the UK but I slept through it.
5. I am in a complete muddle as to which painkillers I took and when. I stagger the dose so it is unlikely that I should take many more than I ought to, but I hate the confusion.
6. I read a thing about 50 years of photojournalism on the BBC News website. The photographs were pretty harrowing. I was interested in the subject matter but I shouldn’t have looked today. I shan’t link to it for this reason.
7. It was my great uncle Albert’s funeral. I didn’t know him well and he had a decent innings, but I meant to call my Mum as he was a favourite uncle of hers and it must have been a hard day. It’s too late now.

Good things that happened today.

1. I received a CD case in the post from Marmite Boy and two Time To Get Equal pins for us. Thanks Marmite, anyway! I have pinned mine to my trenchcoat on the offchance I may one day go outside.
   
2. Angry Alien released their 30-second Bunny Re-enactment of War Of The Worlds (1953).
3. Tesco delivered our groceries with no substitutions and so far I haven’t thought of anything I forgot to order. I do have three spare boxes of Earl Grey Tea though.
4. When looking at eBay I found this indescribable item of clothing. I must have one now! Not! Apparently it’s genuine rabbit-fur. That was some sick rabbit.
5. I got an e-mail from Agent Fang who I haven't heard from in ages and she sounds okay. She's moved house and only just got back on-line so I guess she'll be updating the blog soon.
   
6. None of my limbs fell off.
7. None of my vital organs failed.
8. Nobody I know died.
9. Ai Ai the chimpanzee gave up smoking.

So I suppose more good than bad... As I was coming round I did listen to two good radio programmes which you can listen to too if you have a decent connection. One was called Separate But Equal which was about ending segregation between black and white children in the American South. I thought that situation had very strong parallels with the situation of disabled children in the UK today. The other was called Still Here about a poet who speaks to people with Alzheimer’s Disease and talks about meaning and metaphors people come up with when they began to lose language skills. Not as depressing as it sounds and today, I related big time.