I've spent this last week hanging on and it's not been easy.
Fortunately, I finally got to see my GP this morning and am rather pleased to report that
(a) I've got some stronger painkillers.
(b) It's not morphine, as I feared might be the next step.
(c) I am being referred to a pain specialist who is "very very good".
My GP is very good and was aware as I am about what these pills might mean. I was in there for about half an hour. She suggested that it is unlikely that the effect of my old pills, the Trammdol, has worn off, but my pain has probably got worse for some reason. On the one hand, this is bad news because it makes the increase in pain mysterious, but on the other hand it means that if, after a little respite my pain decreases, I might be able to go back to the Trammdol and stay on the same stuff for a very long time.
Since I hope to be around for some decades yet, that would be ideal. Otherwise, I'd just be working my way up through the opiates and sooner or later there'd be nothing more I could do. As it is, these ones are likely to wipe me out, my bowel will probably never talk to me again* and it is likely to be a dodgy few weeks.
But generally the situation is positive. I desperately need a break from this level of pain; it's got beyond a point where I'm able to cope with it without my world shrinking right back. And if these pills are truly awful, then maybe I can come off them in a few weeks when I've thought of some brand new super-dooper coping strategy. Either that or my legs spontaneously fall off, which might be more comfortable. Or the pills might not be too bad and things might get better anyway.
* Which might be a good thing. It has got an infantile sense of humour.