------------ ---------- Diary of a Goldfish: Hair


Diary of a Goldfish

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Hair

This is an odd thing I felt inclined to write about but it has been an odd day. I realise I probably spend more energy on washing my hair than any other single task I carry out on a regular basis and it is especially problematic during the winter when I can’t afford to sit around with wet hair. The state considers clean hair to be a luxury. Any social services care package won’t include it and difficulties experienced washing one’s hair is excluded from consideration in DLA assessments (at least it was last time I looked).

Obviously the first thing you can do is to cut your hair short or preferably shave it off. Shaving it off is likely to leave your head rather cold, it would probably itch a bit and a short hair-cut needs to be kept short. Despite cutting my hair into a brutal bob just six weeks ago, it has since grown long enough to put into a pony-tail.

Beyond this, one must find ways of reducing the frequency of washes. Our grandmothers would not have dreamt of washing their hair every day or every other day, which seems to be the norm for most folks these days. I have heard that if you don’t wash your hair at all for six weeks, it eventually begins to clean itself, but I’ve never been able to stick it for six weeks.

There are certainly likely to be days when it needs washing but nothing can be done about it. I have scarves around my head when this is the case. These are also a great way of keeping warm, since much of our body temperature is lost through the head. Nomads is the best place for Fair Trade multicoloured scarves.

There is such a product as dry shampoo, which comes in an aerosol can and does improve the appearance of greasy hair – although this is very much a temporary measure. An emergency tip is to brush face powder or talc into your hair - it absorbs the grease so it does look perhaps slightly better than it did before, but um, somewhat greyer. At the end of the day, there’s nothing disgusting about hair which is a bit shinier than hair that has just been washed; if it can’t be done, it can’t be done.

But when it can… I have to wash my hair in the bath, because I don’t have a shower and can’t manage bent over at the sink. Unfortunately, immersing my head in warm water almost guarantees that I fall asleep. If I am alone in the flat, I have a small alarm clock which I set to go off in twenty minutes time to avoid sleeping while the water cools down around me.

If you need to condition your hair, use leave-in conditioner – using the stuff you have to rinse out doubles the wet section of the job, you usually have to hang around while it works and it is far more slimy and a potentially irritant when it gets in the bath water. The cheapest and most pleasant-smelling I know of is Boots’ Coconut & Almond Oil Leave-In Conditioner. You can spray it on your hair while it is wet or when it is dry, whenever you like.

If you have to rest before you begin to dry your hair, have two towels ready for the purpose, preferably in situ over a radiator or other heat source. I am currently experimenting with a microfleece turban from Lakeland Limited, which seems to be particularly absorbent.

When I get out of the bath, I dry myself on a bath towel but then I have to proceed in a state of undress until my hair is dry. Of course I get extremely cold for a short time, but making myself any more comfortable poses the risk of going to sleep with wet hair wrapped in a damp towel. While asleep, I then cool down and remain cold for a greater length of time only to wake up with all sorts of aches and stiffness and a bad case of the sniffles.

In order for the flow of blood to your arms, which hold the hair-dryer, to work with and not against gravity, you need to lie on the bed on your front with your head dangling over the edge. I also think having your head upside down speeds the process, but I haven’t quite grasped the physics. Pace your drying, swapping hands and taking breaks etc.

I find the application of moose on one’s hair does seem to make it dry much quicker. Presumably I’m not doing my hair any good, but hey. I am fascinated by the blurb on all cosmetic products. My can of moose poses the question, “Who is in charge of your style? You… or your hair?” and goes on about micro-hold technology and all kinds of made-up crap. The other day I was looking at cleanser which was supposed to cure my acne and it read “The tingling sensation tells you that your skin is perfectly clean and clear of impurities.” and I’m thinking, the tingling sensation may have something to do with the fact that alcohol is the third ingredient on the list…

Do store hair products like moose in a sensible place. Even my “Hoots mon” joke didn’t go down well with my beloved when my can exploded in the bedroom late one night.

And don’t forget, that when you’re done get up very very slowly after you’ve had your head hanging upside down or else you are likely to pass out.

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Comments on "Hair"

 

Blogger pete said ... (9:16 PM) : 

Nice thread Goldfish but articles about the care of hair are not very relevent to me ;-) Follicles!

A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair.

"Haircut, sir?" asked the barber.

"No, just change the oil, please!"

 

Blogger JustinR said ... (9:24 PM) : 

Very interesting write up on hair care and many ideas of what to do, especially if one cannot just simply wash there hair everyday, everyother day. I fully appriciate it not being an easy task.

I'm fine with bending over in the shower cubical to wash my hair but, it's not a comfortable position to be in. So, for any individual who cannot do this, just isn't going to happen.

I find I have to wash my hair everyother day. I'm thankful for being bloke, meaning, I don't need to bother with hairdryers. Just a vigurous wipe with a towel. MInd you, my hair's always dried quickly.
I'm not all that great with hairgel. Knowing what to use, how much i've put on. My hair's a bit mop like after I've washed it. If i don't gel it my sister goes bonkers, or the gym instructors down the gym take the mick and call me Micki Hatton. I think he is a boxer or something, lol.

I didn't know about the powder but, my sister had told me about leaving hair for six weeks will allow the hair to clean itself naturally. Wonder if anyone's dared to try that out?

 

Blogger Lady Bracknell said ... (9:37 PM) : 

It is not often that Lady Bracknell finds herself in a position to pull the Goldfish up on her spelling.

However, she has allowed herself a small titter at the prospect of the Goldfish attempting to keep a large elk-like creature in her bathroom.

(Lady Bracknell believes the correct spelling for the hair product of which the Goldfish speaks is, in fact, "mousse".)

 

Blogger marmiteboy said ... (7:57 AM) : 

Goldfish takes me back a bit. When I was a young gad about in the early eighties I had all manner of weird and frankly crap hair styles.
My favourite was in the psychobilly style (for younger/older readers this is a cross between a punk and a rockabilly). It was about 8 inches high and bleached almost white and consisted of a massive quiff (a bit like a mohican).

The only way my curly hair could be tricked into this ridiculous style was to firstly dry it upside down. I am well aware of the dangers of upside down drying. Dizziness was my bed fellow. After drying I had to apply straightners (and some thought they were a recent invention)AFTER the application of half a can of Shockwaves Rock Hard hold.

At the time it did look quite sharp and I wish I had pictures to prove it and to show teenagers that I was once (one of them) but alas I have always been shy of the camera and I know of no existing evidence of this spectacle.

 

Blogger The Goldfish said ... (2:35 PM) : 

Pete, you are very fortunate in many ways. You should be on those adverts where the guy says, "Me? Take too bottles into the shower?"

Justin, in my experience unwashed hair becomes uncomfortable after about a week; it starts to itch quite badly, so it wouldn't be just what it looked like.

I greatly appreciate Lady B's spelling correction, which also made me laugh. So I've left it in there.

Marmite, you are evidence that AJ's Dad's theory is wrong; AJ practiced all manner of bleaching and crimping in his youth of the same period but has been balding since his mid twenties. AJ's Dad has a lustrous head of hair at seventy, so attributes his son's baldness entirely to the fashions of the 1980s.

 

Blogger Charlesdawson said ... (2:35 PM) : 

Golly, what a performance! I'm glad I have a shower - well, have to have, as I can't get in a bath and you'd have to love me dirty, otherwise - so I just chuck on some shampoo when I'm in the shower.

I did have a ponytail at one stage, mostly to annoy nursing management, but it got what I understand are split ends (?) so now I keep it short and straggly.

 

Blogger w1ld child said ... (9:32 PM) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

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Anonymous Anonymous said ... (9:54 AM) : 

This is fairly interesting, as ive not washed my hair for about three weeks now... It looks fine, more than fine actually seen as Ive had more compliments in these last few weeks than I ever have I think, go figure heh =).

Basically I think if can get away with it then why the hell not? I still rinse my hair with cold water every day to get all the dust n dirt out... I cant believe Ive been paying for products which wreck my hair all these years. Oh, and my excema is completely gone too =) no more irritants hehe, I cant reccomend this not washing business enough!

 

Anonymous Term papers said ... (9:34 AM) : 

The state considers clean hair to be a luxury. Any social services care package won’t include it and difficulties experienced washing one’s hair is excluded from consideration in DLA assessments at least it was last time I looked.

 

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